Dear Eternal Servant,
I know it’s been a while since I wrote you but I honestly have nothing to say. I saw you the other day and I refused to make out with you and yeah, spending time with you was amazing and it felt awesome but not the way it used to. I think all this waiting around for you has made me lose interest. That sounds so awful when I put it that way but I don’t know how else to phrase it.
And I am so sorry to say this. I never wanted it to come to this but I can’t wait for you anymore. I thought I could. I swore I was strong enough but I’m just not. And I know this will devastate you because we made plans about the future and we made promises. I never wanted to break a promise to you but… things change. People change. Feeling change. My feelings have changed. I couldn’t wait anymore. Seeing you so happy with her. What did you expect of me? To wait a few more days, weeks. What if it took years? I can’t do that to myself. You can’t expect me to. And I refuse to be here when you wake up and decide that you want me now. You can’t have me that way.
You called a lot of the shots when it came to us, and you forbade me from doing things that I enjoyed and you were too jealous. It made me feel like you didn’t trust me. Should I have told you? Yes. Maybe we could’ve talked through it but I didn’t want to talk through it. I didn’t want you to guilt me. You always had a way of making me feel like my opinions were wrong, that I was always being overdramatic or making things up in my mind. Do I do that? Yes. But there are times I needed you to agree with me. You could never just agree with me. And I got tired of fighting. Tired of being the only one who was fighting.
I know you are going to hate me when I get the nerve to tell you this. I hope you can forgive me one day. Although I don’t think you will ever forgive me for this but… I’m falling in love with her. God, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Even writing this is making me cry. I never wanted to ever hurt you and I know this is what you were worried about. But. I don’t know what to tell you. I just hope one day we can be friends again. You can see that I love you, even though I’m not in love with you anymore. See that I want you in my life. See how happy she makes me. Because she really really does. And I actually feel like she may be the one. I know for sure she is my soulmate. I used to think you were mine because we were so opposite and it made us balance out but that’s not love. I shouldn’t need you to balance anything. But she makes me complete. She is like me in so many ways. We define compatibility. The ways that she makes me a better person, you could never do. I am so so sorry babe, but we weren’t meant to be.
I don’t wish things were different between us, or things had played out different because everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense, but everything happens for a reason. She helped me see that. I think I was so convinced that no one else could love me like you do. But that’s not true. There are people who will love me just as much, and people like her who will love me more. And they will love me purely because of who I am, not what they want from me or who they want me to be. I’m not saying that’s why you loved me but there were things between us that were never going to click. And you don’t deserve to spend the rest of your life with someone who only balances you out, you deserve someone who makes you complete. I have her and I hope you find someone just as perfect for you as she is for me.
Maybe one day I will show you this blog and we can laugh about how stupid and in love we were. Maybe then we will be friends. Really good friends who know that we weren’t meant to be. You deserve nothing but the best baby, you really really do. And I won’t stand in your way of that. And I hope you realize this is for the best. And if some distant place in the future I see you, I will smile at you with joy knowing that you were such a big part of my life. This will be the last letter I write you.
I am so sorry. Goodbye love.
-Your Best Friend